Blog Post by Coach Julie
NCI Certified Nutrition Coach L1 and Certified Mindset Coach
Most people I talk to are so focused on giving and caring for others. Nobility is admirable. But there is a lot of value in loving yourself. Believe it or not, this can be one of the best ways to give and care for others.
What many, including myself, don’t often understand is this. When we don’t love ourselves, we inadvertently outsource that to those around us. It means it can be difficult for others to be truly transparent and vulnerable with us because they also want to care for us.
The people around us need us to be ok when it’s time to have tough conversations. Hard conversations are a part of life, but they are difficult to have with a person that doesn’t have enough love for themselves that they can truly hear what the other person is saying. Often these conversations are opportunities for us to grow and learn to be better FOR the other person in our lives, no matter the relationship. When we struggle to love ourselves, we view this as criticism and we often grow defensive and shut down. This isn’t helping us become the best versions of ourselves and grow the relationship. It keeps us stuck.
There will be times that it makes sense to put ourselves second and another first, but if you have grace and love for yourself, it is so much easier to step into that role without eventually feeling resentful. Resentment is a relationship killer. When you constantly put other people’s needs before your own, you will grow resentful. You will. Many think that putting their needs aside makes them a good partner and it saves their relationship but it actually suffocates it. Both parties may stay in the relationship but are they happy? Usually no. You have to love yourself enough to know that your needs matter and are important. You have to love yourself enough to have that conversation with the other party. Tell them what you need and how they can help you achieve this. There are ALWAYS ways to meet the other person’s needs. Sometimes compromise is necessary but there’s always a road to fulfillment. Avoiding this is not loving yourself and it’s not loving your partner. Be straightforward with your needs and give your partner the gift of being able to love you the way you need to be loved. (This counts for friendship and other dynamics as well.) This makes you happy and more fulfilled and the other person in the relationship as well.
There is value in loving yourself. Not just for you, but for those around you too.
Kayli is a certified personal trainer and online coach that specializes in fitness, wellness, nutrition, mindset, mobility and everything in between.